Counseling

Well, it's that time of year again.  When I realize that all summer when I thought I was busy, I really wasn't at all.  Now I know what busy is.  I'm SO glad I'm only taking 9 credit hours this semester, because my practicum course is really time consuming.  It's kind of all-consuming.  I have started counseling clients at the CTC (Counseling Training Center) at ASU.  BTW, if anyone out there needs counseling, but can't afford it, or doesn't have insurance coverage, the CTC is open to the public, and it is really cheap because the counseling is done by grad students in training.  We are really well supervised, though.  The cost to non-students is $80 for a whole semester of once a week counseling sessions (about 13 sessions).  Anyway, so right now I have two clients that I see once a week.  I can have up to four clients, but I'm kind of glad that I am starting out with a light load.  The experience of counseling has been...well...a lot more stressful than I thought it would be.  I thought I'd feel more comfortable and at-ease with the whole process and experience.  But now I realize that I'm brand-new at this, so of course it's going to be challenging and scary.   

The good thing about this experience being more stressful than I anticipated is that I decided to go to counseling myself to help me to work through my anxiety, and I really, really love it.  It is so helpful to verbalize all the thoughts that are running through my head, but I never have the time to sit down and really think about.  It also helps a lot to have an outside perspective on what is going on in my life.  And, I realized for the first time that I have struggled with anxiety all my life.  For me, anxiety often results in stomach problems.  Throughout the years, I've had "stomach problems" (anxiety), and I went to counseling several years ago for a specific issue (which I just now realized was a manifestation of my anxiety).  I remember in High School, my pediatrician told me that I stress and worry too much, and it is causing my stomach aches (again, anxiety).  And I have always, always worried too much.  And the thing about this realization (that I've always struggled with anxiety), is that now I look back and feel frustrated that I haven't been to counseling more often to help me deal with it.  Why did I wait until I felt really, really stressed and uncomfortable before I decided to get help?  Help is available.  It's not a very difficult process--in fact, it's an enlightening, great process.  But change is scary.  Fear of the unknown (what will counseling be like?) can be overwhelming.  And, I like to think that I can handle any problem just fine on my own.  I have my own coping mechanisms (going running, talking to Chuck, hanging out with my friends), and they work pretty well most of the time.  But like I said, now I am feeling so hopeful, and understanding myself and my anxiety so much better, that I just want to kick myself for not going to counseling sooner.  Counseling is great.  Going to counseling is great.  Being a counselor is hard for me right now, but I know it's going to get easier.  And I know that even though it is hard, it is going to be worth it.  Because I'll be able to help people feel the relief and insight that I am gaining with my counselor right now.  So overall, what I'm saying is that I love counseling, and I think at some point, I'm going to love being a counselor.  I'm just not quite there yet.  :)